People in my day-to-day life would probably be surprised if I told them I identify as a witch today. My past self would also be surprised! Yet, when I look back on my life so far, there is a trail that led to my current path.
I grew up in the Catholic church. I enjoyed the structure and the singing. I could always count on the sunshine to flow through the church windows during a particular part of mass. I could feel the energy there. There was community. There was reverence for something bigger than me. After my mommom died, my family slowly lost the connection to the church and we couldn’t seem to find another one with the same essence.
My grandmother had a gift of knowing the gender of a baby before it was born through her dreams. She had a dream dictionary and she would keep notes. I have that very book now. I have always had lucid dreams. My mommom and my childhood cat have visited me in those realms. When my mommom died, I knew that very moment even though I was not with her. I heard the message clear “My grandmother is dead.” Later I would be told and the timing matched up. I miss her so much. She was an Aries too and I have a vintage Aries zodiac necklace that once belonged to her. I have always been intrigued by horoscopes and the zodiac as well.
I have always been interested in religion and spirituality. I chose to go to a Catholic college in order to deepen my sense of spirituality and connection to religion. I went on a retreat with other Catholic young adults and witness ecstatic prayer. I joined others in praying the rosary on a routine basis for a while. I sang at the local cathedral. I picked this college because there was a small religious grotto that called to me. I also picked this college because it looked like a certain magical school.
As a kid I was obsessed with fantasy novels, especially one about a boy wizard. As I got older, I was a bit intrigued by TV shows about mediums and ghost hunting. There was something in me that knew I might have some extra sensory gifts, and I was afraid of the possibility they might manifest. I prayed that I wouldn’t “hear” the dead or other entities. Despite the fear, the intrigue always remained. I had many times when I just knew what was about to happen. I would pray to deceased loved ones when in time of need.
Later in life, I realized that I have also been scrying often without knowing really what it was. I would typically see images or symbols in materials within marble types patterns. Today, I enjoy having crystals with lines or shapes within them for scrying.
In a past post, I mentioned Amber Poole aka The Chakra Diva. Over the past couple years, I have visited her a couple times for crystal reiki, psychic medium readings, and more. She mentioned there was magic around me. During my first reading, I saw blue lights in my minds eye and she said the fairies were with me. After processing this, I figured I must be surrounded by the magic of music I create on a daily basis. I began using chakra meditations and trying to define my spirit team. I began collecting oracle and Tarot cards. I have a large collection now because I love the artwork and pairing them together for divination.
During my graduate degree, a peer offered to give natal chart readings to fellow classmates. They helped me utilize a site and interpret some of my chart. One aspect stated I might be drawn to the occult! The graduate degree itself focused on understanding your own identity and history, including religious and spiritual aspects, in order to develop cultural humility for self and others. I realized that work was becoming the main source of my spiritual connection. I began to yearn for something else beyond what I experienced at work because I couldn't expect the job to completely fill my spiritual needs.
Eventually, a coworker began to share with me that she practiced Wicca and would be hosting a Wicca 101 workshop that would last a couple weeks. I attended and my curiosity was peaked further, so I completed what is called an Outer Court. An Outer Court is a training program one completes prior to being initiated into the Wiccan Tradition I now practice. There, I began to develop a relationship with the Goddess and God, the Wheel of the Year, and other magical practices.
After the year and a day was up, I could petition to be initiated into the tradition and work within a coven. I continued to be pulled into the mystery and wanted to experience more. When I asked my guides to give me a magical name to use (will write a future post explaining this further), they delivered it in a dream. Just like I had requested.
To be honest, I was nervous and scared. I questioned if it was the right path. I knew I had to keep going or I might regret it later. I had to trust the path, the call even though it was completely unknown to me. I had to let go of control. I am grateful now for the ups and downs of the past couple years. The coven has become a form of family. By the time this blog entry is posted, I will have been elevated to a 2nd degree High Priestess.
I have learned so much, and over time, have stepped into my power and accepted the name “witch.” I have begun to develop a personal practice that works for me. Along the way, I have learned to not compare myself to others. That my practice and gifts are unique. I am loved by the Goddess and God. I craft my own rituals and spells to focus on various intentions. I have developed a love for pathworking and creating magical music. I love sigils and candles. I love meditating and the moon. I have a growing collection of crystals and books. My witchy working space is busting at the seams. Later this week I will expand more on the goals I have for my personal spiritual path.
I have been in the “broom closet” for some time, but I am stepping out now. It is who I am. I continue to recall one of my earliest dreams…I was dressed in my Sunday dress…I was a child…I stood at a crossroad…and there was a woman next to me dressed in black...possibly Hecate. It was a sunny day and we just stood there gazing and waiting. When I think about it, maybe this witch has always been in me. Now I walk that road and am ready for new adventures and experiences.
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