Finding My Voice

I've always been a quiet reserved person. I am average looking. Many people are surprised when they hear me sing. I am not quite sure why. They say I sound like the radio, an angel…like someone who should be on stage. However, that was never my goal.

I feel like music was all around when I was a kid. My parents are children of the 60’s and 70’s so they passed down a lot of great music to me. My mother’s father was a singer. I remember him singing in church. My favorite thing about Catholic Mass was the music and I loved to sing out loud with all the other voices. I loved to sing along to the radio and dreamed I would be a pop princess one day. I would make up songs that I would write in my diary and sing to myself.

In elementary school, I wasn't quite drawn to an instrument so I ended going the choir route when the time to make a choice arose. I was in school choir and was able to be in a show choir in 7th and 8th grade. I still loved singing to the radio and would daydream about having the confidence to sing on stage.

In 9th grade, I started voice lessons with an amazing teacher. I was not a confident singer…I don’t think I sounded that great. But I wanted so much to sing and I wanted to have a unique sound. This teacher really honored that and was very patient with me

I started off with learning about Bel Canto singing and later more about musical theatre. I fell in love with German leider and French chansons. However, my perfectionism stunted my progress at times as I was learning the diction of other languages. I was so worried of being wrong and not getting it. Over time, I overcame this anxiety and realized I had to take risks with my voice to let it out. I had issues with volume and really letting go. In high school I participated in several recitals with the voice studio.

During high school, I also was a member of the chamber choir, Triple Trio, and a barbershop type quartet. I was too scared to try out for roles in the musicals, but joined the choruses of Oliver! and Bye Bye Birdie.

Voice became my major instrument when I went to college for my undergraduate music therapy degree. There were only a few additional credits to get a degree in music performance, so I did because I had grown to love the process of voice lessons. I continued to resonate with French chansons and found a niche in Early Baroque music. The photo above represents one of the recitals the department has. I performed "C'est L'Extase" by Debussy. I had started with that song in high school and revisited it in college. That night, my voice soared. I was in the flow and will never forget that feeling. (One day I will learn all of Ariette Oubliees).

I also challenged myself to join opera workshop. In this class, I had the experience of performing Witch #2 in Dido and Aeneas, some classic operetta selections, and selections from The Magic Flute as Pamina. So many memories and breakthroughs on that stage. I broke out of my shell more there and found confidence.

I don’t get to sing much classical music anymore, but my training has come in very handy as a hospice music therapist. These days I sing a little bit of everything and I find I can fit my voice into many genres. I also don’t do a ton of singing for “fun” anymore, but I am grateful I can share my voice with others in a helpful supportive way. It healed me. It continues to heal me.

My journey with singing continues to evolve. Now as a Wiccan priestess, I am finding more use for my voice in ritual singing and chanting. My vocal training, which including techniques for breathing, has also helped me practice meditative breathing. On of my goals is to create more chants and songs for my own practice and some to share with the wider community.

I feel that the process of learning how to sing also helped me access my inner self. The voice isn’t like a guitar or clarinet that you can see and press for the sound. A singer has to become very attuned to their body, flow of the breath and energy. We must know the emotional and cultural meaning behind the lyrics and express them accordingly. Songs are stories and we take the time to know them, even if they are not our own story. Then they become a part of us in a way for a while. Singing helps me feel power and energy. It helps me keep my throat chakra strong!

I believe that everyone can sing and should sing, if it comes from the soul in silence. If someone cannot physically sing, there are others than can sing as an extension. That is often what I feel about my work as a music therapist. I am singing on the behalf of someone else helping them access themselves on different levels. That is a very intimate experience. I am so grateful for my voice.

I am a voice for peace. I am a voice for justice. I am voice for joy. I am a voice for change. I am a voice of love. I am my voice.